So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
