I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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