I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
