they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
