its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Randomize
