No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
