Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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