I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
