you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
