I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
do herpes really smell.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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