'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
