I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
