There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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