6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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