it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
