I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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