he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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