dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
