i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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