An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
