My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
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