here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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