Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
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