Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
