eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Randomize
