i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
