woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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