i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
