I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
