i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Randomize
