i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
