Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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