My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Randomize
