omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
