some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I cut my penus on the lid.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
