btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just cropdusted the office
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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