So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
