why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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