I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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