smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
