Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
