You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
