I will die if light touches me.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
