i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
