How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
