I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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