Buhtt sex?
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
