shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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