So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
