am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
