She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
