I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Randomize
