I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
