I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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